I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
