drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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