You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
