He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
