Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
