What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
