so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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