i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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