I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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