How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
