True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
operation harelip BJ is a go
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
