My pussy is not your playground.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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