True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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