I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
