My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
