We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
