I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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