You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
