my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
