Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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