This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Everything about him screamed your future.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
