Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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