we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
