i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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