I got chris browned last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
