you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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