I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
