Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They have beer where we have blood.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
