I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
