Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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