my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
