I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
