Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
