She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
