Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm just crazy horny about you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
