OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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