Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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