Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
