That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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