My friends, they love my intelligence
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
