Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
