after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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