plz talk dirty to me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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