meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
