Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
