If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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