I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
