im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
