Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
