Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
